Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Airing my Dirty Laundry...

Men are funny creatures. They hunt, fish, golf, sweat profusely while doing yard work, eat their weight in carbohydrates, can use public bathrooms no matter how dirty they are because they don't have to touch anything, and shy away from questions like, "Does this make my butt look big?"

Dave is a wonderful husband and always answers, "Of course not" to that last question even though I know he's thinking, "Compared to Carrie Underwood or a tractor trailer?" At least he keeps his thoughts to himself! We've been married for 3 1/2 years now and I already know how he will react in most situations. If we're out in public and I see someone wearing something they clearly should not be....like spandex...or socks and sandals...or spandex with socks and sandals (I know, the mental picture is almost too much)...I know the "your momma" and "your sister" jokes are sure to follow. I know that when we go to Chili's he's going to order the buffalo chicken sandwich with no tomatoes. I know that he's going to borrow my chapstick and roll it almost all the way to the top and when he puts the cap back on it will almost smoosh it. I know all of these things and they make me comfortable and happy because I can expect it. He's a creature of habit and there are many things I can expect...Most habits are endearing but a few have run their course.

Months ago, he had enough of one of my habits and asked me to please throw away my "scraps" of meat that I don't eat before bringing my plate to the sink. I make dinner, he does the dishes, so I took his request to heart being appreciative of his help. Since that day there hasn't been a single scrap left on my plate. He asked nicely and I was happy to comply. SO, I decided to try it! I asked him to please put away the "pocket vomit" that makes it's way to our kitchen counter the MINUTE he enters the door in the afternoon. Keys, phone, receipts, change, chapstick, sunglasses...the list goes on. I got him a "catch-all" that sits right by his bed but it hasn't done the trick. I'm sure in year 4 it's bound to stick...

I also asked that when he makes his lunch in the morning, to please throw away the apple stickers instead of sticking them to the inside of the sink where they do NOT go. Also, every.single.morning. he makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sticks the peanut butter covered knife into a glass of water. Every.Morning. Can that go in the dishwasher that is right next to the sink? I think so.

This brings us to Sunday....on our drive home from Dallas.

I was out of town Wednesday-Sunday for work and then for fun, and after being gone to Tahoe and then gone for work I just wanted to come home to a clean house. Which is the way I left it on Tuesday night. When I left on Wednesday I specifically said to Dave, "You will be here today through Friday. Will you please just keep things picked up so I can come home to a clean house?" He replied, "maybe". Oh how I love thee...let me count the ways.

So on Sunday, we were driving home from Dallas and I point blank asked him, "When we get home, will the house be clean or dirty?" (I asked in Temple so I had 35 miles to prepare myself) He said, "Well, what do you mean by clean?" I said, "Will there be mail all over the island and will there be apple stickers in the sink?" He started laughing. Because he knew DARN WELL I was going to see freaking apple stickers in the sink. He replied, "Well, that's where I wash my apples! Do you expect me to walk to the trashcan?"

You're right. Both of those feet to the trashcan are pretty taxing. "YES! I expect you to walk to the trashcan."

He said he would just start eating the stickers. I love the way guys compromise.

You can imagine my surprise when I walked in to find this.

26 comments:

David said...

Those were planted...there wasn't a damn thing in that sink when you got home except for the spoon used to make coffee as I rushed out the door Saturday morning.

Crown + Castle said...

Hahahaha...my husband would do the same thing :)

Suburban Princess said...

Goodness if this is the worst of it you have nothing to complain about :O)

Polish and Pearls said...

hahahaha this cracked me up! Jason has little things like that that he does, they drive me absolutely nuts, but we try sooo hard to compromise! The pocket vomit is probably the biggest "problem"! I have a change jar right by the front door, but I still have to go around the entire apartment and gather all of the separate little piles of change and pocket trash of his!

kristin fulghum said...

men are SUCH creatures of habit!

High Heeled Life said...

LOL... I think men (all of them) have a gene programmed in them - that if they just leave it there (whereever there maybe, sink , counter etc.) an invisible fairy comes along and deals with!

Women on the other hand have a gene that kicks in upon living with a man that automatically turns them into the " invisible fairy" :) Our little Yorkie at least has learned to move all his toys to one spot - when he sees I'm getting ready to call it a night. What does that say?? LOL.. HHL

The Neffs said...

Don't you think it is cute that you know exactly what he is going to order and other habits of his.

I think it is endearing to know that I am the only one who knows my hubby best and he knows me best!

Cute post!!

Kristen said...

too funny!

Sweet Simplicity said...

This has me laughing out loud in my office. So funny and true for men!

Natalie said...

hahaha MEN!
I love his comment too :)
My husband definitely has the pocket vomit going on too. I cleared out a spot in our bench for him to put all of his stuff when he comes in. Now he just puts it all ON TOP of the bench. Can you really just go the extra step to open it and put it IN? Nope. Kinda like the knives in the dishwasher! You just have to laugh sometimes!

Samantha said...

My husband leaves empty yogurt cups in the sink and water bottles by the bed. It drives me a little crazy, but I guess things could be worse.

Mrs. A said...

I think all husbands are hardwired with the one really annoying habit that drives their wives crazy. Mr. A leaves the cap off the toothpaste all the time and it drives me insane!!

Ms. Emily Ann said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, and the comment. You are such a great writer, and I can definitely relate to your stories about your guy... some habits will never be broken. Although, I can bet my boyfriend would say the same about me :)

Resisting Perfection said...

LOVED this post. I completely agree with the "pocket vomit" I got my husband a valet for his closet, nope, nothing goes there, ever! Too funny about the apple stickers, they are a pain to throw away ;)

Dezzy Lou Where Are You said...

they just never learn...

Sara said...

Bwahahahahahahaha!! So funny. So sad. So true. :)

Susannah said...

Oh girl. Preaching to the choir! I think all husbands do this.

Jason takes his clothes off at night and leaves them by the bed every.single.night. No matter what.

He also NEVER spreads the towel out to dry after showering. He just throws it over the bar.

Also, he puts his nasty spray butter on his toast while it is laying on the counter and leaves a nasty spray butter outline of the toast on the counter EVERY DAY.

Ugh. I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

I hate the pocket vomit, so I bought a basket that sits right by the door, but it has yet to do the trick for my husband.

melissa said...

Ahh, pocket vomit. That is the perfect name for it! My husband does the same darn thing. I also tried the valet/catch all. Didn't work for me either. I'd complain but then I'd have to stop my annoying habits and I'm pretty sure mine outnumber his 2 to 1. Haha!

tootie said...

Haha! I can relate. My husband puts his apple stickers (from his lunch) on his plastic lunch containers. (Why he doesn't just throw them away, I'll never know :)

Jax said...

hahahah! I love that he said he'd just eat the stickers.. Oh men.. Good grief. LOL!

Laura said...

I love the term "pocket vomit"...girl..it doesn't change! I even put a "catch all" on the counter to just try to confine it some..still doesn't "catch" it. For some reason it's nice to have it ALL spread out...

Mrs. C said...

Thanks for the comment! My husband does the exact same thing with my chapstick, too!

Lissa Michelle said...

omg, that is so hilarious!!!!! don't you love how we get used to our spouse's habits! it makes marriage fun, ya know?

annalee said...

oh how your stories make me smile.
i would never want to side with the guy but...
i have to say there is something to be said for letting the knife soak in water before putting it in the dishwasher. pb is hard to get off. however i'd be willing to bet he doesn't move it from the water to the dishwasher later in the day.

Susan said...

Love it! (happens here too)