They That Sow in Tears Shall Reap in JOY!

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goes forth and weeps, bearing precious seed shall come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." ~ Psalm 126:5-6

I found myself in an impenetrable funk over the last couple of months. I vacationed with my mom and Nana, I vacationed with Dave and with my mom and dad, I spent time with dear friends, yet I still cried myself to sleep. I'm not asking for sympathy I'm just being honest. The vacations were wonderful. They were happy, they were fun, they were full of precious time spent with my family. But they weren't a cure all for the hurt down in my soul.

I have had a really hard time reconciling God's plan and timing for my life with the desires of my heart. My desires for a family, mixed with the heart break of losing my Papa- which has left a deep void- created the perfect storm. The perfect storm of sadness, self pity, anger at God, frustration with His timing, and that resulted in me crying out to him...I literally said the words, "Do you not hear me? Or do you just not care?"

He has been answering me every day since.

That perfect storm hit on a Tuesday. Dave, my dad and my brother were playing golf at Spanish Bay and I was sitting in a golf cart sobbing my eyes out. I got a call from my doctor that I didn't want to hear, my frustration went through the roof and I lost my cool. I had a "terrible-twos" moment where I threw a little hissy fit to God. Thankfully, He is big enough and secure enough to handle it. Thankfully, He sees into the depths of my soul to know my heartbreak and He allowed me a moment of weakness so He could show His strength. And thankfully, He created me, and He knows that I have a few screws loose. He created every bit of this emotion and He rejoices when I can (by His grace) manage to use it for good and He reins me back in when I go rogue.

Not 24 hours after my break down I was spent. I was emotionally, physically, mentally spent. "God, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep 'gearing up' only to be let down. Broken. I feel like this peace, this comfort, this joy, this will to keep trying comes straight from you. But then I am knocked down lower than I thought I could go. How can this continue to be?" And as we took off from California on a 3 hour flight back to Texas I opened my Bible study of James. My intent was to make it through my homework but God's intent was to use my "going through the motions" to create a movement in my heart.

My lesson for the day was directly linked to wisdom. Wisdom that comes from God if we'll just ask. Help that comes from God when we make our requests known. And Psalm 121 was "extra reading" among my study of James. I started reading Psalm 121 (which I have read a million times) but this time was different.

"I lift my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm- He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." ~ Psalm 121

That is what God's word said. But then, ever so gently, God said, "Duh." He continued, "This is what I keep telling you. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. I love you. I want the best for you and I have the very best in store for you. I know my timing seems difficult now but my plan is perfect and it's perfecting." And then, almost audibly He said, "And by the way, I hear you. I always hear you. And I care more than you could ever know. My heart is broken too."

I was crying like a baby. I'm not kidding. Tears flowing so freely because I had been freed. Freed from the torment of my own mind. From the grasp Satan had placed on me in my doubt. That seed of doubt that had caused me to question God's interest in me, concern over my heartache, and general hand in my life and concern of the outcome. And He reclaimed me.



And then...if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'...Dave pointed out the window of the plane...

Y'all literally can't even fathom the tears. I was sobbing, trying to soak in my rainbow, trying to grab my phone to take this picture, and trying to thank God for showing up. You know me and sentiment; we go together like a wink and a smile. This rainbow was just for me. God literally put that rainbow right outside my window at that.very.moment. and said, "I promise." I'm crying now just thinking about it.

I still miss my Papa and our house still has empty rooms. My circumstances haven't changed but my heart has. My joy isn't in my circumstance my joy is in God. The creator of the universe, the lover of my soul, the man with the plan. He has filled me with His joy, with His peace, and with His promise that the one who gives life gives hope. I'm clinging to the promise of Psalm 126:5-6...that "those who sow in tears shall reap in joy...and shall come again with rejoicing".

Someday I'm gonna be rejoicing with my sheaves, y'all! And to God be the glory...He is faithful.

Third Time's a Charm...

In the last year I have picked up Angie Smith's book, What Women Fear, twice. Each time I read about 10 pages and quickly was pulled in another direction. I'm not going to lie, I was probably pulled in a thrilling direction. Like towards the Hunger Games. But the truth of the matter is...I wasn't ready.

In the last 3 years I have faced a lot of emotion in the wake of childlessness and it's always a challenge of how I deal with it. I go back and forth between genuine trust in God- trust in His timing, in His goodness, in His plan for me, in His love for me- and in the weakness of my own flesh and doubt that creeps in. Has he forgotten me? Did He forget that HE gave me this desire to be a mother? That He created me this way?

I picked back up Angie's book last night and it was divine timing. Now was the time for me to hear the words God spoke to me through Angie's pen. She Wrote:

"I am someone who lives in a constant state of worry about the future, and it is something I have had to commit to the Lord many times a day. I fear that He has somehow forgotten me and that I'm on my own. I take matters into my own hands but He reminds me that He hasn't gone anywhere. There is always a moment in time when I can feel His gentle voice reassuring me, but it's usually hindsight that brings relief instead of trust in the moment. I long to be a woman who walks in the moment God has given me, with full confidence of what's to come. I know it isn't always going to look the way I want it to, but I long to internalize the fact that He is never going to forsake me or take His hands off me."

In March of this year Dave and I went through fertility treatment for the second time. The first ended in heartbreak and I went into this one with my guard up. Although we felt God leading us to the decision to try again I couldn't help but try (the best you can in this situation) to guard my heart. I told myself the realities of treatment, read the statistics to keep myself honest, and relived the pain of "last time" because it just happens...it's my reality and so my mind goes there. When you have heard nothing but "No" it is so difficult to even dream of the miracle of a "Yes!" That is Satan's way of bringing fear and doubt in.

I relish the moments of trust in God's timing and then falter and feel genuine sadness at what's taking so long! I watch as my best friends (who all have children the same age) have play dates, swim parties, take pictures of their kids eating Popsicles together, take kids cooking classes together, and enjoy the joy and gift of having their kids grow up together and be friends. I find myself on the outside looking in and Satan has been grabbing hold. He tells me how sad it is that I'm missing out. He tells me that I may never get that. He tells me that they are having so much fun and their kids will be best friends and if and when I have kids, I will be doing it alone. He tells me my friendships have changed because they have families to care for. He makes me feel so sorry for myself.

I am being really honest here. I don't talk about this with many (or anyone) and I am now laying it out on the interwebs in an effort to be honest and reclaim my hope. I don't want to sound hopeless. I don't want to sound sad. I don't want to sound bitter. I do have hope. I know God has His very best in mind for me and I know that as Angie so eloquently said, "it's usually hindsight that brings relief."

My goal is to live out the second part of her statement, "I long to be a woman who walks in the moment God has given me, with full confidence of what's to come."

I don't know what God has planned for me. I hope it includes a family... but it may not. And I want to truly be alive and happy in this moment. In the one that finds me going on walks with Dave on nice nights, spending a week in California with my mom, Nana and brother, and enjoying the goodness that God has for us at this point in our lives. Sometimes I want to read the end of the book but I have to remind myself that all of the good details, all of the background story and all of the character development is right there in the middle. I don't want to miss the present being so concerned with the future.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." ~ Proverbs 31:25

Passionately Pink...

This post was originally written 10/20/2011. I am reposting because tonight we will be celebrating my mom at my brother's baseball game! Tonight is "Pink in the Park" for the San Jose Giants and all of the players will be wearing pink jerseys. This is the story of last year's pink jersey. Original post below:

*I've told y'all a bit of this story before, but this is the entire awesome story behind the pink jersey and the pink bat and my brother's bid to remain the favorite child.

The Background...

We're into pink around my house. It's weird how, outside of my sister, I don't think any of us ever had a really strong like for pink. I was a total tom-boy growing up. I was into sports and playing outside never dresses and dolls. I don't think I had a single item in my closet that was pink. So it was interesting when our entire world turned pink in the fall of 2005.

When mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on September 25th it was a mere days before pink was everywhere for breast cancer awareness month. It was amazing how our eyes were opened because for the first time, it hit home with us. We formed our first Race for the Cure team in 2005 and we haven't looked back! We printed pink team bracelets that year and all of our friends and family received one. It was our way of asking people to wear them and remember to pray for mom as she began the battle for her life.

My brother put that bracelet on and to this day, he has not taken it off! Our family has been changed forever. We have a fighter and survivor in our midst and we celebrate that and we will never forget what she's been through.

The Story...

Most of the MLB, for mother's day, wears pink in support of breast cancer. The major leaguers will play with pink bats and then auction them off, you'll see pink jerseys and pink batting gloves and many have the pink ribbon embroidered on their hats or jerseys. This past season, the Augusta Greenjackets wore their pink jerseys and the jerseys were auctioned off and the money was donated to the Komen Foundation. The cool part was that Taylor's start fell on the day they got to wear the pink jerseys! He talked to their manager before the jerseys went on sale and asked if his jersey could be left out of the auction. He asked if he could buy it himself as a gift for our mom since she is a survivor. And they let him!!

He gave it to her while we were in Savannah a few weeks later and she cried like a baby! Obviously his favorite child status is going nowhere! He's got that one in the bag.

A few weeks later, he was playing in Louisville and a few of the players went to the Louisville Slugger Factory. My sister and I got this email and I immediately started crying!

It wasn't long before a funny shaped (and heavy) package came in the mail and my mom received a precious gift! Again, she cried like a baby and was so grateful to receive such a treasured gift.
I absolutely LOVE that her name is beautifully engraved on that bat. She is a fighter and a survivor and she is my roll model and great inspiration. Praise God for her healing! I think it's safe to say she has made an impact on many and we never see pink without thinking of her. Keep thinking pink this October! I believe we'll find a cure soon.

There's no place like Hope!

*And my sister and I are not kidding ourselves. Taylor's got a corner on the "favorite child" market after this. Lock-stock-and-barrel. He's such a suck up! ;)

Lemons and Lemonade...

I had a really great weekend. There wasn't really any one thing that made it great it was just a bunch of little things bundled together that equated to goodness.

If you judged my life on my last few posts you'd say life is pretty darn good. And in all honesty, I can't disagree with you, but I will tell you there is more than meets the eye. I'm very blessed. I have an amazing husband, a wonderful family, genuine and fun friends, the list goes on. But life is not without it's trials, frustrations, and don't forget the heartache.

I have always heard about Mt. Bonnell. It's a tourist spot here in Austin that overlooks Lake Austin to one side and downtown Austin to the other. With Dave and I both growing up around Austin and now living here almost 5 years we couldn't believe that neither of us had ever taken the time to go up there. So we decided that Saturday morning was just the time. We woke up early (6:30! On our one day to sleep in) and we headed out.

The views were truly amazing! After our morning at Mt. Bonnell, we went and got breakfast tacos, ran errands, he studied, I went to my parent's and swam with the dogs and then we ended the night with a dinner date. On the way to dinner I was thinking that it had been the perfect day!

I really needed Saturday. I had started to feel sorry for myself and there's no time for that! I've been plagued with a series of mishaps that are just life, but I've been letting it weigh on me. In January, we had a huge water leak from our upstairs bathroom that resulted in a lot of damage, we've had a lot of car repairs/general maintenance, my jewelry was stolen out of my checked baggage on our way to Savannah (I know I should have put it in my purse...), I was completely scammed by a carpet cleaning company, and I had 4 chairs recovered...got there to pick them up and they had been recovered in the wrong fabric. AND, it was my fault. :( I had to repurchase new fabric and have them re-done. Sometimes, life gives you lemons...

And, if you're still reading...and you hadn't guessed by my semi-vague posts before, we have been dealing with infertility for quite some time now. The lost jewelry and the very expensive fabric/furniture mishap seems fairly insignificant doesn't it? Of course it does, and it is all completely insignificant when compared to the one true desire of my heart. I want to be a mother more than anything. I dream about what our kids would look like and what kind of father Dave would be. But I know God is sovereign and He has a plan for our lives.

Here's the facts...some days are harder than others. Some days I just want to go to bed because it seems like "this one's just not in the cards" and maybe tomorrow will hold a different story. But I'm loved, I have friends praying for me and for Dave and for what our future holds. I pray we have a family. I pray on my hands and knees...sometimes my praying is more like begging. But I know that my story is written by the master story teller. And truthfully, in the last 3 months He has filled me with so much peace about our situation.

So tonight, I'm praying for a baby, I'm praying for whoever took my jewelry that was not theirs, I'm praying for my luck to change, and in an effort for it to not be all about me...because really, it should be all about HIM, I'm praying that I will see the beauty in my "average" life. Because He intended for me to live each moment for Him. There are blessings all around me...literally ALL around me. And I'm so grateful...here's to an ice cold glass of lemonade made straight from those fresh lemons!

Ps...if this entertains anyone even a little bit....Dave is such a good sport. My camera was balancing on a rock and my backpack to take this picture of us on self-timer. He just expects this from me. :)

Breath of Life...

Do you guys watch Survivor? I have never seen a single episode, but I know it's very popular and has a loyal following because it continues to come on season after season. This morning, my radio show was talking about the last episode and the fact that the casted off contestant, Krista, left her luxury item to another player as she left. Their luxury item is the ONE item they are allowed to bring from home to the island. Krista brought her Bible. As she left, she asked if she could give her item to another player and she gave it to Matt, another believer who did not have his Bible with him. As she gave it to him, he smiled and hugged her and then he said these words....

"I can't explain how much that meant to me because...

that book just breathes life..."

In the last 3 months I have found myself in the biggest trial period of my life outside of my mother battling breast cancer. It has truly been a low period of my life which I have chosen to not blog about and am still not ready to fully disclose. However, as I listened to those words this morning I was overjoyed with how true Matt's statement is. "That book just breathes life."

For whatever reason God has called David and I to this place, but he has a plan and a purpose for us. I know this in my heart and I trust Him with our lives so I have hope and a peace for tomorrow. Please do not get me wrong, I know the way I want it to work out, but I also know that God is SO good. All the time. And He may not bless me the way I thought He would or the way I want Him to, but I feel certain the blessing will far outweigh my wildest dreams. I am certain in that. I've had the joy of a few travels in my life and I'm blown away at the beauty of this earth and I know that was all a design of the creator and a reflection of His love for us and His creativity. I know my situation is not new to Him and He will be so creative in His plan for us. I'm finding peace in that.

It doesn't mean I don't cry sometimes (and by cry I mean sob uncontrollably) or tell Him how mad I am at Him sometimes (He's big, he can handle it), but I tell Him that I am clinging to the promise that He gives me in Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And I'm depending on Him to make good on His promise and fill me with hope, joy, peace, patience and an understanding that He is sovereign and He has this all figured out.

And the truth is, while I struggle with the desires of my heart that are so real it goes from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes, He calms me and reminds me that He is all I ever need. So I'll find resolve in that and beg Him to fill me with himself.

I'm not sure who first said it, but I know my mom always says it:

"Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes He lets the storms rage and He calms the child."

So I will praise you in this storm.

My Cup Runneth Over ~

"But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children" ~ Psalm 103:17

Thoughts on Giving...

Giving is good for the soul, right? It's fun to give your husband, friends, parents, siblings that perfect gift that you saw and knew just who to give it to. The conversation napkins with the perfect saying for the Loj...the owl salt and pepper shakers that my sister would die over...anything leopard print or with fur that is right up my mom's alley...the pack of Twizzlers I know Dave will love "just because". Giving is fun.

Giving the Girl Scouts extra cookie money as part of "Operation Cookie" so one of our soldiers will receive a hand written note and a box of Thin Mints as a small token of appreciation for their remarkable sacrifice. It feels good. It makes a difference. A little goes a long way.

A little goes a long way...I've been thinking about that one little part of giving for a little over a week now. Our church is building a church. We are a new congregation and we have been meeting in a commercial building for going on 3 years now. We recently purchased land and will begin building our new church. It is an exciting time, but it's also a time of need. Our church needs THE church, the individuals that are the church, to support this campaign and raise the funds to build our new building that will hopefully stand for generations and reach people in Austin, TX for generations.

Dave and I have been talking about and praying about what we can give. And we hear wonderful praise stories about the amount of money already raised for the campaign and it seems so grand in comparison with what we can give. Until last Sunday when our pastor told us the story of 2 little girls in our church. 6 and 8 years old. They wanted to give to help build our church but they didn't have any money so their mom told them they could go ask the neighbors if they could do any work for them. One of their neighbors told them they could brush his Golden Retriever and he would give them $10 each. So they spent a good amount of time brushing his dog. They made sure she looked really good and then they asked for approval from their neighbor. When he deemed their job had been done well he gave them each the $10 they had earned. They were beaming! And they were ready to give everything they had just earned! Their mom took them up to the church and they were elated as they handed over their earnings to the pastor as their offering.

I cried as he recounted the story Sunday a week ago. I cried because of their joy in giving. I cried because their mom, who I have the privilege to know and be in Sunday School with is raising children who are Kingdom Focused. She's teaching them to work hard, give generously, live selflessly. It's a lesson for me too.

I may not be able to give enough to meet the entire need but I can give something. I can give of my time, my energy, and my resources...and that's exactly what God asks of me. Giving from the heart really is good for the soul. I'm glad a 6 year old and an 8 year old could remind me of that this week. I hope I won't soon forget the lesson they taught me.

My Mother's Heart

My mom sent me a sweet e-mail after this post and asked if she could be a "guest blogger". I told her of course! If you haven't checked out her blog, you should. It's mostly pictures of her dogs dressed as humans, but it's always good for a laugh. :) I hope you enjoy her sweet words.

Child, I don't know what season you might be finding yourself in right now, but I think your post was just one example of the many times God has shown himself faithful in the life of our family.

Reading your post and seeing the pictures brought back so many memories. Isn't God just so good! I tell you this..most things are better when shared and we are so blessed to have walked this journey with family, friends, strangers, angels. We learned many lessons along the way, some were painful, some hysterical, but all were tender. We gained so much more than we lost. The endless love, support and sacrifice from family and friends is truly a gift from God.

Remembering...

This day started out, like so many had before
Small little knot, but surely nothing more.

Little did I know that day, the story was about to change
A life that once felt normal would suddenly seem strange.

Uncertainty would follow, questions without answer
This would be a new reality, living with the cancer.

No regular activities, doctor visits became the norm
All the people that I love, were also in this storm.

Fight as I might, the body would still grow weak
Back on my knees again, the Lord Jesus I would seek.

Always faithful, always there, He met me every day
Meeting all the needs I had, giving grace each step of the way.

Standing on the mountain top, taking in His glory
Walking with Him in the valley, it was all part of the story.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but of this I can be sure
God will never leave me, or give me something I can't endure.

Whether walking in a season of need, or living in abundance
I know it's all about Your timing, and the plans You have for us.

I praise You for the angels sent, may this journey never be in vain
And may You find me faithful Lord, even if You bring the rain~

I could never thank you, Kristen, Taylor, Big Daddy, Dave, Mother, Daddy, Mike, countless friends and family members, doctors, nurses and prayer warriors for all that you have done and continue to do for me. Looking forward to one more day.

My cup runneth over~
I love you!
xoxo,
Mom

Blessed be the name of the Lord...

I have been praying for sweet Layla and I am just broken hearted. It is so difficult to fathom that a precious, innocent child is dying a horrible death from cancer. God literally lays her on my heart constantly and I find myself calling out to God on her behalf praying for a miracle of healing on earth if He so chooses, or a swift healing when He calls her home. All I know is that I just can't hardly imagine this battle she is fighting.

I have been reading her story and it just amazes me the strength and hope her parents have. That strength and Hope only comes from God. I am so thankful that I found out about their journey because I have been so humbled and consider it an honor to pray for Layla and her family.

This morning in church we were singing "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" and I almost couldn't take it. "He gives and takes away, he gives and takes away, still my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." This family quite possibly will lose the thing most dear to them in the next few days, yet they are still saying "blessed be your name." What an example. I am so honored to beseech the throne on their behalf. Please join me. www.laylagrace.org

Perfect Timing!

God and I have been having a little dialogue about timing lately. I've been wondering if His watch stopped...because of course things don't always happen when I think they should. He has been teaching me patience and giving me so much joy along the way, but the other day I really felt like He said to me so clearly, "Don't you think I know?? Don't you think I love you and I know exactly what I'm doing. My timing is perfect, have you forgotten?" And he used this picture in my Nana's house to do it...

This picture is from 2005. It was taken about 4 weeks after my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. We were in a whirl wind. She found out she had breast cancer, her amazing doctor suggested chemo before her double mastectomy to shrink the tumor, and within no time her chemo began. It all happened so fast that we hardly had time to process the fact that our mother, who didn't seem sick at all on the outside, was very sick on the inside. And in a few short weeks, all the world would know when she lost her hair.

My mother is so loved and many people were asking what they could do. For the most part, it was a fight she had to fight. We knew it was her and God against the cancer, but an idea was born and they were about to be part of God's perfect plan. My sister, Nana and I decided to throw a surprise "Hat Party" for mom. We asked her friends and family to come together to celebrate her and bring a hat or scarf if they so chose. The invitation read:

A wardrobe of leopard and feathers galore

she's dressed to the nines to go to the store

A true diva is the word to describe

A Woman we love who has touched all our lives

During this time you've all been so dear

But let's not forget our humor and cheer

Fun times and fun memories are sure to be made

As we dress up, laugh, and sip lemonade

Come celebrate Vicki's Brand new "do"

With hats and scarves and friendships too...

We asked mom to get ready for the day and we were going to go have lunch and a girl's day. That morning was a devastating morning. She took her shower and as she washed her hair, it began to fall out. We talked in great length about it after the fact and she said she really thought she was prepared for it. But I'm not sure you're ever quite prepared for that moment. She was obviously upset by the events of the morning, and we (my sister and I) were nervous because we had this party awaiting her only 45 minutes away! What had we done?

We hadn't done anything. God knew exactly what He was doing. She got dressed and we went to "pick up Nana" and all of her friends were there to comfort, support, encourage and love on mom and our family. Not 5 minutes after we arrived, the morning's events were a thing of the past and the love of mom's friends far out shadowed the sorrow of losing her hair. We laughed so much and of course we cried a little too. But the main message of the day was, "I haven't forgotten you. I would never ask you to do this alone!"

Sometimes I don't get it. Sometimes I think I know everything and I forget that God is so, so sovereign and He has not forgotten me. I'm not the ONE that got away. He blessed us on that day and He showed us that in the midst of one of the hardest things (if not THE hardest) that my family has faced, that he was there all along. And on that VERY day that her hair fell out, she was having a hat party! What a perfect, perfect coincidence. ;)

Look at her face! Y'all know she loves leopard print!

This one is hard to explain, but ever since she was a little girl, she twirls her hair. She twirls it every night before bed, when she is relaxing, when she is tired...she does it subconsciously. One day she looked up from her chair and she had been twirling her hair and she said, "Oh my. I'm not going to be able to twirl my hair!" Her friends know her all too well and Deborah brought her a piece of twirling hair that fastens to a scarf or bandana! ha!

Me wearing one of her wigs! I'm definitely not cut out to be a blond!

Look at all of these fabulous hats and scarves!

The party crew! Her wonderful friends. (PS....it was on a Saturday before the Texas football game and most of these women have season tickets. They aren't just crazy Longhorn fans! ha!)

Thank you to all who came on short notice on an October Saturday. You were part of God's perfect blessing to my mom and our entire family.

I Wanna be Famous...

As a little girl I always thought I should be an actress! I LOVED Alyssa Milano in "Who's the Boss" and If I could have been anyone it would have been DJ Tanner. I always dreamed of the amazing life of a celebrity and thought it would be so cool to sign autographs and be in BOP Magazine or Teen People. It was pretty much my mom's fault because she didn't put me in acting lessons or send me to auditions. I had all the goods to be a full fledged STAR!

The life of the rich and famous can seem so glamorous. We get caught up in their lives and find everything they do so entertaining. I mean, I watched Kloe Kardashian and Lamar Odum's wedding for 1 hour yesterday and I DVR'd it in case I want to watch it again! I don't know why I care, but I continue to watch the Bachelor and Bachelorette and tune in to see if they find love....and they NEVER DO! They continue to tout Trista and Ryan as the one single success story among the baker's dozen that haven't worked out. How's that for odds??

It was so interesting yesterday when my pastor began his message with a story of one of his former youth (he was a youth minister) who he is friends with on Facebook. She was at the memorial at Fort Hood and her first status message was asking for prayers and support for the families of the victims of the terrible Fort Hood massacre. Her very next status update was informing friends that "OH MY GOSH! Do you see me on TV?? I'm standing right next to the guy with the red flag!!" Because yes, she had managed to get in the camera view and was so excited for her 15 seconds of fame.

It's only one example of how we, as humans, often crave attention, importance, fame, notoriety. We want to be good at what we do whether it is being great at our job, raising the most well mannered/well behaved children, being the best baseball player, the list goes on and on. But in the end, what does it get us? Will anyone really remember us anyway??

For most of us, the answer is no. Will anyone remember me and say, "My goodness that Tiffany M! She sure had an impact on the world!" At this point I wouldn't think so, but the interesting part of the entire sermon was when Dr. Myers (SEM and Z....that feels so weird and formal....) asked us if anyone knew who Ed Kimball was. Not.One.Person did. Ed Kimball was simply a man who loved people and took it upon himself to take the time to speak to a young man in a shoe store one day selling him his shoes. During the time he spent with him while buying his shoes he got to know him and led the young man to Christ. That young man was D.L. Moody who was an evangelist who spoke to Frederick B. Meyer and he was saved. Meyer became a preacher of the Word and J. Wilbur Chapman heard the Good news and was saved. So the story goes Chapman was so moved he went into ministry and preached the word that Billy Sunday heard and was saved. The Lord used Billy Sunday to speak to Mordecai Ham and can you guess where it goes from here?? Mordecai Ham preached a revival and only one person was saved....and it was....drumroll please...Billy Graham.

Because of Ed Kimball's humble obedience and willingness to show Jesus to others, look at the lives that have been saved!! And did any of us know his name?? Well, a few of us do now because it was used in a sermon, but it is certainly not a household name. But boy is he famous in the Kingdom! And if I can be famous anywhere I would sure rather it be in the Kingdom than in People Magazine and Perez Hilton.

I love the thought that God is going to open windows of opportunity as He sees fit, and whatever I do in my life I should do it all for God's glory. I find it fitting that the title of my blog is "Life is Glamorous and Fabulous". And while it might not be glamorous to others that I get up, go to work, come home, walk my dog, make dinner, do laundry and watch some form of reality TV it is fairly glamorous to me. It's glamorous that I have an amazing husband, family and friends that God has blessed me with. And He has saved me from the unholy version of myself and made me completely fabulous in His eyes, and He is giving me every opportunity to live a life of impact for the Kingdom.

I'd say there is nothing more glamorous than knowing I'm a princess because my father is the King!

"Don't wanna be famous in life,
I don't wanna be famous in the World,
Just wanna be famous, famous,
I wanna be famous in your eyes..." ~ "Famous" Vertical Horizon